However, in the midst of the tragedy of losing your own life or the life of one you love, it may be hard to conceive of a circle, or anything continuing or continuous. Your loss is too close, too tragic, perhaps, even to comprehend the circle of life. It may simply feel like a horrible and useless tragedy, or you may consider it as tragedy in the epic sense.

The word "tragedy" conjures images and feelings for all of us. If we look at Shakespeare, we see parallels to the real-life drama of the dying time. In these epic tragedies, there are three consistent characteristics. First are the noble characters whose lives cause them to be raised above the common concerns and normal life. In facing your death or in being a caregiver, you encounter and handle challenges far beyond what you believe yourself capable of, far beyond common concerns. Second, there is a tragic flaw that overcomes the hero and kills him; the hero always dies. For you this manifests as a flaw not of character, but of the physical body, causing imminent death. This physical flaw that cannot be overcome must be faced and accepted, and ultimately all must surrender to it.

The third characteristic of tragedy is the catharsis that arises from the realization that the world is a better place for the hero having been here. The way in which you face death leaves your special mark on the world. It empowers others to learn and grow. It engenders closeness and intimacy within the circle of family, friends, and supporters by allowing them to participate in the dying. The caregiver, too, helps a loved one who is dying in many ways that make her world better by allowing her to be in charge of her living and dying.

Each divine creation is both noble and beautiful and therefore the subject of tragedy when life is lost. In true tragedy, everyone experiences the full range of genuine caring to alleviate suffering and expresses a life-changing emotional commitment to the one who is dying.

We would like to close the circle with the words of Goethe: "Every moment Nature starts on the longest journey, and every moment she reaches her goal." The dying time is a time of living and learning and reaching in for new goals. As you choreograph your final act or help the one you love, who is dying, we hope that you hold on to the light that you experience and that you emerge as the life that surpasses itself.




The Dying Time by Joan Furman and David McNabb, copyright © 1997 by Joan Furman and David McNabb. Used by permission of Bell Tower, a division of Random House, Inc.
Copyright © 1997 by Joan Furman and David McNabb

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